Author: Dan Graning

As a caregiver, you may find your role to be quite stressful. However, there are ways to help relieve stress. I came across an article that I found particularly helpful in this regard. It offers various ways to alleviate stress. Please note that the website I am sharing with you is free, but it contains ads. Here’s the link to the article: 14 Practical Ways to Relive Caregiver Stress.

I appreciate hearing from you.  Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you my number.

Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think.

I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to

Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

Caregiving For All:  September 3, 2023, Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

As you already know, I too am a caregiver for my wife, and for a 96-year-old woman without any family nearby. The week of July 9-15 was tough for me, and it made me think about all the things we have talked about. In a conversation I had this past Thursday with my pastor, we talked about those caregiving issues and my spiritual experience preparing for the service I did last Sunday the 16th.

The first issue, of the second week of July, was struggling with the beginning of my sermon for July 16. Next, the 96-year-old, who is in memory care, was very upset about her money. She wanted to spend most of it for not an appropriate reason. I have no legal authority to handle any of her finances, or medical decisions; nor do I want them since that would go against my ministry responsibilities. A financial guardian takes care of those issues. I do communicate with those people and can see her medical files to help her. For a while, she thought I took her money and spent it. I tried to explain to her that she needed money to pay for her nursing care. I sent a text message to her financial guardian saying that person that the senior wants to spend some of her money, and also wants bank statements. As soon as I left, I immediately sent another text message telling her to ignore my previous message and to call me when they could to discuss. There is more background information that I can’t share. A few days later she changed her mind. Unfortunately, today she was back to giving her money away again. Some of you have noticed that having memory issues can create difficult situations. I would say this is an example of where those little white lies can be helpful, rather than creating animosity and bad reactions. To be honest with you, this is what has motivated me to share help and guidance for other caregivers, not necessarily because of all my wife’s issues.

Friday, July 14, was the day my wife had her 4+ hours at the Muscular Dystrophy Coordinated Treatment Clinic. She sees all the different therapists and her neurologist. Luann doesn’t like to have me there because I am honest and say what needs to be said. She gives me her Italian Evil Eye, and I’ve learned to be quiet until the next therapist or doctor comes in. It was sad to hear that she has lost most of her strength in all her extremities, and also has three fingers that won’t bend anymore. She had decided she couldn’t do the exercises at all back in November. We had agreed about two years ago that she would tell me when she was too tired to keep exercising, and doing things that kept her strong. This spring I had trouble lifting this petite woman because of my back and told her that she needed to get back to doing exercises, or we would have to start looking for a care facility for her sooner than we wanted. She did start doing exercises again, but the time away prevented her from getting the full benefit. Now we need more help with equipment to keep her at home. Unfortunately, more in-home aid is not available because everyone is short-staffed. I’m tired of that excuse. I have hired a friend to come in once a week to give me a chance to do something I need to accomplish, and Luann a break from me. Let me be clear, Luann continues to do activities in the building and enjoys her iPad.

Last weekend, I felt guilty that I had let her down, and not pushed to keep her exercising. Don’t let yourself get caught up in guilt. All it will do is interrupt logical thinking and make you worry about things out of your control. Guilt can be a determent to both the caregiver and the care receiver. We cannot play the game of “Should have; would have and could have.” We must realize that we are doing the best that we can. Letting negative medical and physical changes take over our lives creates a situation where we may second-guess ourselves. It can slowly eat at us until we don’t know what to do with the ones we love so dearly. Admit you made mistakes if you must. Then let them go, and never hang onto them, or keep bringing them back to burn deeper into the brain. It is OK to make mistakes. We all have made them since the day we started walking. We are human and will always have the curse. It’s what we learn from our mistakes that makes the biggest difference. How many times have you told that to your kids? We have to love ourselves and make peace, that we are doing the best that we can.

This is important because as time passes the decisions become more difficult. Take care of yourself. If you make a mistake and can correct it, do so and give yourself credit for recognizing and making a change. Most often, we won’t be able to change it much in these situations. Use it to grow.

I know that God walks with me and gives me the strength to get through these difficult times. I guess God gave me an extra dose of humor. We need to include God, not only when we make mistakes, but all the time. Give God the credit God deserves. In Micah 6:8 it says, “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

You don’t have to worry about whether you are making the right decisions, or not if you have included God in your plans.

Please excuse my editing mistakes. As a writer I usually have someone proof my work. I have a mental block for the endings of words like ed and ing. I read it as if it is there. I blame it on being Norwegian.

I appreciate hearing from you.  Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you my number.

Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think.

I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to you.  Email: larsondel@gmail.com

Caregiving For All:  July 23, 2023, Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

Below is an interesting article on the caregiving.com website explaining a recently diagnosed condition called Compassion Fatigue.

I appreciate hearing from you.  Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you my number.

Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think.

I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to you.  Email: larsondel@gmail.com

 

Caregiving For All:  January 26, 2023, Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

Lots going on in my caregiver journey.  Besides my wife and her needs, my lay ministry role has taken me on a few visits in the past couple of weeks. Every situation is different, as is for each of you.  How your care receiver reacts to you, or their care, can be a major source of frustration.  How we handle those moments is very important not only for the patient but for ourselves.  I believe my biggest frustrations come from agencies that I must deal with as a caregiver.  Issues range from losing personal items at the nursing home to communications with staff and support agencies.  It seems keeping me updated and informed is not a high priority anymore. Their response is “We are short-handed and it is difficult to find new people.” I understand.  The world is a different place compared to pre-Covid.  My opinion, and from what I have heard, is that many younger workers generally do not have the same work ethic that we grew up with years ago.  I do not like to be forceful, because generally, everyone does better when we stay positive.  However, there are times when we need to go to higher levels to get things done.  I first recommend that you seek the highest power available by praying for guidance.  Let that be your guide.  Jesus was angry a few times and even threw a few tables.  Share your concerns, but always end with a way of reconciliation.  If people fear you and are always on the defensive, there will be more problems because of fear.  I try to thank the staff as often as I remember.  Show that appreciation. I buy big bags of miniature candy and share some with staff in the different places that have caregivers, including medical facilities. Some days you may need immediate help from them.  Please do not think that I am a cool cat that lets everything roll over me like water.  I have my moments. Once, I took my granddaughter (and her mother) to the ER for the third time in less than 24 hours.  She was a very sick toddler.  When they did not see her immediately, I became very angry that they kept sending her home.  I was escorted to patient services by security to file a complaint. By the time I finished, she was in an ER room.  As I sat there waiting for tests to come back, I got thinking about what had happened, and it made me very sad.  I walked out to the triage desk and asked to speak with the charge nurse.  The 5’6″ 120-pound nurse came out in the hall and I apologized, but she let into me and knocked me down from 6’0″ to about 13″.  I deserved all of it.  That is when I decided it is better to build people up and be thankful even before I am cared for or served. I started my candy treats then.  I am sorry this got a little long, but I hope you find value in my mistake that helps you avoid the same situation.  God is working on me to be humble.

My post entitled Helpful Resources is filled with links that focus on the caregivers’ well-being. If you have any certain issues, you need help with, please let me know.  Remember, I am not a professionally certified caregiving authority.  My certification comes from God.

Lastly, I have hesitated to share information on dying and death.  Each person handles it differently.  If you would like information on this please let me know and I will share it with you.  I learned it the hard way at the time of death back in the late 90s.

I appreciate hearing from you.  Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you my number.

Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think.

I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to you.  Email: larsondel@gmail.com

Caregiving For All: June 19, 2023, Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

There are many resources out there for caregivers. I am trying to keep you as informed as I possibly can. It would take me a century to share it all. I doubt I have that much time, but knowing God, anything is possible. I will continue to share insights from my research, personal experiences, classes and online groups, and information I receive from other resources. I find my searching has helped me to find answers, not just about diseases, but for me personally on how to take care of myself, so that I can care for others. Some of these may be a repeat, but that is good for those of us who need reviews. We have a half dozen new readers since I started this blog in November 2022. Listed below are but a few sources that I have found extremely useful that contain useful information.

* The AARP magazine has an article on caregiving in each edition.

* Teepa Snow, a dementia care specialist, and the Positive Approach to Care (PAC) Team share about dementia so that everyone can understand why changes are happening and how you can support those living with brain change more positively and respectfully.

* Elaine K Sanchez, author, speaker, and founder of an organization called CaregiverHelp has been an outstanding resource for me on my caretaking journey. Based on her extensive experience of caring for family elders, Elaine K Sanchez developed a passion for helping others manage the emotional stress of caregiving. Below is a talk that Sanchez gave entitled “Finding Hope, Humor, and Heart in Caregiving.” I found it particularly helpful when dealing with the everyday stresses of caregiving. I believe that for me, my humor helps me to be a better caregiver. The more I can make my wife or others laugh, the less stress I feel. I am not going to tell you I do not face stress and sadness, but I am happy with my progress with joy and laughter.

* DailyCaring website. It contains several articles with a lot of excellent caregiver information. One article I found very helpful in dealing with the everyday stresses of caregiving was this one “5 Ways to Reduce and Manage Caregiver Resentment.”

* Today’s Caregiver website. This site also contains a wealth of information to aid you in your caregiving journey. One I found most helpful was this one on “Emotional Fatigue.” It listed the signs of fatigue and tips on how to deal with it. This came at a good time for me, as I too am struggling. For me, my goal is to avoid depression, frustration, or anxiety for less than a day. Yes, I talk a lot to myself, and I do answer as well.

I appreciate hearing from you. Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you, my number. Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think. I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to you. Email: larsondel@gmail.com

Caregiving For All:  June 15, 2023, Del Larson, Certified Lay Minister

Wow!  It has been two weeks since the University of Minnesota Caregiver Conference.   I wanted to share this with you, but my notes are long.  Instead, if you send me a request, (address below) I will forward a link so you can view conference highlights.

The opening session, AVOIDING POWER STRUGGLES by Deb Nygaard was, in my opinion the best session for me.  It hit the nail on the head with information on how to deal with dementia patients as the disease progresses.

The second session, THE CAREGIVING PRINCIPLE, presented by Carol Amos. The caregiving principle: “Needs of the Loved One minus Needs filled by the Loved One equals Needs to be filled by the Caregiver.”  It was helpful for me as she clarified the symptoms of caregiver Stress, and how to better take care of ourselves.  For caregivers, their health is a slow decline but increases as time and stress increase.  Most do not realize how much their workload increases until it is too late.  Caregiving can last over 20 years.  Most do not recognize the toll on the body until they realize they are struggling mentally or physically.

The third session, RESILIENT TOGETHER presented by Jeremy Holloway, Ph.D., talked about Cross-Cultural Communications.  Its focus was on better help for all care patients no matter what their cultural background is.

The Last session WORKING TOGETHER WITH RESIDENTIAL CARE CENTER STAFF presented by Amy House, a director of a nursing facility.  In this session Amy offered helpful information on working with nursing home staff and the facilities. Since returning from the conference, I was able to use the information more than once when helping my 96-year-old friend move into a memory care facility.

I have heard that a few of you are experiencing serious life issues.  If there is anything I can do, please feel free to contact me.  Reach out to family and friends. Be honest and tell them you need their support.   You do not have to do this alone.  For me, God is my strength.  I know I am never walking alone. God puts others in our lives to help.  I will keep all of you in my prayers.

I appreciate hearing from you.  Positive or negative. My email is attached, or you can call the church and they will give you my number.

Feel free to respond, ask questions, or tell me what you think.

I hope that you can find one thing that will be helpful to you.  Email: larsondel@gmail.com